Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Dear friends, I am about to write my Holiday letter and send out cards and I just can't find any words after the tragedy yesterday.  I think people become paralyzed, between being so angry and upset that you just can't talk about it and celebrating obviously doesn't feel right either.  Many say move on forward but things like this just sit very heavy in my heart and mind and I play them over again and again. I guess we can only continue to do what is right in our own hearts, pray and hope for God's promise and enjoy each day that we are blessed and surrounded by the love of those dear to us.

     Many of you know our good tidings for the year, we welcomed our newest addition, Broderick John Toppenberg on June 5th.  He is such a joy and blessing.  Now six months old, he is such a happy baby.  My mom was able to be here to share in the experience of his birth and it was such a blessing that both her and Jared were able to make it back to Washington in time.  Jared was gone at the Chinook school and when he came back in May was on terminal leave from the Army as his job was ending in September with the National Guard due to state funding.   

While he worked his last busy season in July with counter drug I went home to Minnesota to spend the rest of my maternity leave.  Jared drove me and the kids and the dog all home to MN then he flew back to work and came back out a month later to drive us all back.  We were able to celebrate Brody's Baptism together with his God parent's and then back to Washington we went.  We stopped off to see Jared's Mom's Family in Spokane and met up with his sister and her kid's there.  Then they followed us home and we got to hang out with them for a few days upon returning home.

Then Jared was on leave most of August and September so we were able to enjoy the nice late summer we had and we went camping as well.  In september I had my hand surgery and I am finally just starting to get more use out of it.  So far so good no tingling just hoping the scar tissue will improve. I was back to work in September also, it was a nice long break but it was also comforting going back not having to have daycare for a while since Jared is at home with the kids.  Jared started school again to complete his last 2 classes and plans to graduate in January! We are so proud of him! He has been on and off temporary orders so we are hoping something full-time will come up soon and hoping it is not going to be a deployment, but very likely will be by 2014.

We had my Mom and Jared's family out here in Novemember to see the kids.  We had good turkey and lots of crabbing, one of our favorite things about the pacific NW.  



 

Maycen will be three at the end of the month and we are really enjoying teaching her all about what Christmas means.  She is a very joyful child that loves to sing and dance and so excited for all the promise that Christmas brings.

We are wishing each of you love, health and peace this holiday.  Turn the TV's off, stop looking at your phones, texting and start paying attention to your children, spouses and families.  It goes by so fast and that is the only thing we have at the end of the day.

The Toppenberg's

Why can't we get it right, our failures everyday are the reason for so much hurt and pain!

Be the change you wish to see (Paraphrased Ghandi) ...“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”(Ghandi)

 

Horrible things happen everyday, sadly a major event like killing innocent children or senseless mall shooting is so sensationalized that it brings the reality of the harsh world we live in to the public's eyes and hearts. I am a pediatric nurse and yearly as Christmas comes closer abuse cases come in, yesterday a 2 week old infant came in with a severe brain bleed and broken ribs thanks to his parents. It is hard to ever make sense of it all. It seems like only large scale thing bring forward the insanity that is out there.  This breaks my heart and makes me never want my kids to leave home.

 

We all know the issues, it comes up everytime something horrible happens now we can't turn our backs we have to do something! Desensitized from violence, gun control, violence towards woman and children, abuse and neglect, mental health issues and access.

 

You can blame it on things like gun control issues, drugs or video games but really it is humanity, Locking up all the guns is not the answer and giving guns to everyone isn't really either but at least you could go down with a fight then.  Not to point fingers, but I honestly am frustrated with the men in this country and I have to say I am not a normally a feminist but the majority of young men these days seem to fit the stereotype of video game playing drones.  Luckily, I found a good man in my husband and there are many good men like him out there. And although my spouse is not a gamer, I know many men that play occasional games and are of sound mind, well mostly:) Working at a military hospital and being military I am familiar with the 15- 30 year old male population on post.  Many soldiers play hours on end of these war video games, where they are killing people.  It seems harmless, but it is so realistic.  In fact the military even uses computer games to simulate and practice their war techniques. I often wonder what impact sitting in front of a computer or video game playing for hours of killing people and battling does to a person.  Even more so while drinking or doing drugs.  I would think it would desensitize people from the reality of what it is they are really doing.  Some of these video game, are so violent they encourage not only shooting, but rape.

People are impacted by what they see everyday on TV.  My daughter 2 years old after watching a day of harmless football with Dad began pretending she was "shooting up" the bad people that were getting away in the car.  It took me a while to figure it out till I was off the next Sunday and the ad for the video game for Grand Theft Auto and PS2 came on a few times and my daughter said something about it again.  A 30 sec video which was a bit graphic played to the stereotype it feed; men that watch football, apparently tend to also play a lot of video games.

Article: Guns don't kill people video gamers do.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/the-lay-scientist/2012/jun/07/1

 

I have trouble sleeping and play back in my mind images I imagine when ever we have a sad case at work or I hear a story like this that just goes to your gut. A while back, there was a story about a teen girl who shared her story of her father abusing her since age 3 and selling her for sex acts for drugs.  This story still haunts me at night, I actually woke up hearing a child screaming after I heard this story.  I can't imagine why no one stood up for this child.  Yes, there were men and woman involved and she stated many were on drugs.  But sadly this is happening everyday.  There are organizations about trafficking people and this is exactly the thing that is happening primarily to children and woman. again, might I ask what is wrong with men in this world!

 

Now I am not saying woman are not innocent, a lot of physical abuse in children especially, is woman and you always hear those sad stories of a mother driving her kids into a pond and killing them all.  But I am most concerned with the men. If you look at almost any you tube video, it can be as harmless as a video of a concerned parent posting a question about their kid. Many responses are of bored males leaving inappropriate and hateful comments. I just don't get it, why and who has that much time to be doing that.

Why does Christmas seem to bring out these evil deeds in full force?  Well some thoughts are that not everyone has a happy home life and maybe all the hype over being joyful and happy causes people to be angry with their childhood or the situation they are in. Parents that tend to abuse their children may be stressed. There is more drinking and drug use during the Holiday time as well. Winter is also in full force so people that are depressed are at a greater risk for having trouble with depression.

I hear people say its a sign of the times.  But I don't really believe this, bad things have always been happening, people tend to look over their shoulders when it is in context.  Think of all the world wars.  Many war techniques included bombing innocent people and raping woman and children senselessly. Priest and Boy Scout leaders have been doing horrible thing to children for years. Again, men, Sorry to say.

 

I am a bit paranoid from all the media and horrible things out there.  But it is sad that I don't want the UPS guy that bring great presents to know that a nice girl and her two kids live here...have you seen the movie Law abiding citizen, it made me puke and a similar situation actually did happen to another family.

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/p/petit_family/index.html

 

I am not saying that we don't need to look at woman too.  There are enough crazy woman in the world.  Woman that bring to life so many unwanted births, mothering children they didn't want or giving them to foster care and we wonder why children have issues. But when you look at the things happening in this life you do have to wonder.  I can desensitize myself from all the bad things I have to see and do at work everyday. From news for parents that just want a healthy kid that their new baby has Cancer to the room next door where the child has been beaten and bruised from their own parents.  But then to come home and have the rest of the world fall apart it really is too much. I asked my husband why doesn't this news bother

you like it bothers me?  It's not that he isn't saddened and equally upset by this as I am, because he is. Although his mathematical solution to make me feel better by pointing out how rare the possibility that this happens still does nothing to calm my fears.   Why do I imagine those little kids that watched Polar Express the night before daydreaming of all their Christmas hopes in class to watch in horror as their teacher and their little friends get shot one by one.  I can't imagine.  Just the loud noise of a truck startles my daughter to cover her ears.  The horror on their faces is so tragic. Maybe that is why the majority of the News that reported on the story were male reporter.  Not that this was easy for them as you can see, people like President Obama clearly disturbed my this horrible thing.  But my husbands response is that he tries not to think about it.  He doesn't dwell on it.  Maybe that right there is the problem, so we do we just go on.  Wake up the next day and continue on, turn our cheek and hide our children from the news. Are we protecting them by doing this?

My last thought since I am putting it all out there, is in relation to the Internet.  Again, I am going to talk to the men here.  Internet Porn.  There is a big difference between what women read from Shades of Gray to what type of horrible sex acts you can easily google.  Obviously, there is an audience that enjoys watching the very graphic bandaging of woman and children, not just almost 18 years olds.  This goes back to the trafficking of people.  These extreme videos are not all just actors, these are people, often in sex rings.  I am not talking about regular pornographic filming, bondage and safe play is one thing but no woman in their right mind enjoys being brutally attacked during sex acts.  If people fantasise and watch this over and over just like the video games they will see it and think it is OK to do this to someone. This is all available at the click of a hand.

Mental illness, this is becoming a catch all.  Since when did taking anti depressants make people not responsible for their actions. People have said there must be signs and red flags.  The thing is there are red flags!  I work with some people that are clearly teetering on this line daily, Co-workers and parents of patients, military wives and soldiers that are sick of the system.  But there are so many people that with just a push seem to be showing those red flags but really it has to be with in each person to make the choice to act right, to be a good person and to do the right things and expect it of others, no demand it!

I have never been a proponent of guns but honestly I feel safer with the idea of trained people of sound mind cleared and trained to carry their weapon being at the mall or store with them then hoping that someone will not decide to shoot up a gun free zone where no one can defend themselves.  Have you noticed that most mas shootings occur in gun free zones like malls and schools. Most people would not even attempt to do something if they knew they would be killed before attempting to do anything. It would just be a waste of time. 
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/07/mass-shootings-map

For you men out there that are feeling bashed, my apologies and if you are taking the time to read this then you are likely not one of the problem but hopefully one of the solutions to making this world a better place.

 Children In Church: Nurturing Hearts of Worship by Curt and Sandra Lovelace being published by Raising Real Men. 

Isn't it sad that someone out there is thinking now I have to think of something even worse to top this horrible event, the sad thing is it is true!

Again, I just can't imagine and pray I never have to.  That last night those parents had to tuck in their kids, did they yell at their kid to hurry up, no not one one book, were they running late that morning and were frustrated with their kids for taking too long.  Thank the lord for teachers. That one teacher that saved her children in the bathroom and told them all that she loved them because that is the last thing she wanted them to know. And why are we paying so called sport heroes more than her is beyond me? 

These thoughts are my own very personal feeling.  Writing them is how I process the horrible events that have happened.  You may not agree with me but please instead of writing hurtful comments with an angry heart about why I feel the way I do write a comment that suggest a solution to the problems we are facing as a country, as a world.

http://hugskissesandsnot.com/2013/01/10/a-disciples-of-christ-ministers-response-to-sandy-hook/

http://hugskissesandsnot.com/2013/01/04/grace-and-parenting-after-sandy-hook/

Big Girl Bed!!! Yeah Maycen

Ok I know it is a little late but we finally put Maycen in a Big Girl bed!  She was never the kind of kid to crawl out so it never was a problem keeping her in there.  She loved her bed and played nicely in there in the mornings and after naps that it gave Jared and I a few extra moments of alone time or sleep:) Maycen has never had a problem wetting at night so its never been an issue to let her get out at night to go.

So I got a cute little Dora the Explorer toddler bed and I ordered a Dora Pillow case with her name on it and I ordered Peppa Pig cupcake bedding that matches the colors of her Dora bed from London.

I wanted to make it as special as possible so when we got back from dropping off the Toppenberg's at the airport I told her she could sleep in her Big Girl Bed.  She has done great all week long, helpful too that she has been at daycare this week so she was extra tired. Today is the first day with a full nap and she has not yet gotten out of bed, she will call to us in the morning or when she wakes up. 

On a follow up note on her procedure she had done a while back to see what was going on with her tummy, everything came back good the biopsies showed nothing concerning.  Hopefully it was just bizarre events and an infection that won't cause any issues ahead.  Maycen did really well with the procedure but is such a little fighter and she new the minute that things were going to go down.  Even with nitrious Oxide she was still fighting. She kept saying the doctor said I can eat ketchup now because we were holding off on tomato products till we talked with allergy. She has still been talking all week about blowing up the green balloon and breathing in the strawberry mask. Anyway we are glad to have it behind us...no pun intended!

Maycen is such a smart little cookie, she is such a talker, she can unlock my phone and call her Nana.  She knows all her letters, and number and talks like such a big kid, sometimes I have to remind myself that she is still 2.  On the other hand her little temper tantrums remind me of that very quickly!  Although sometimes it feels like an argument with a tween versus a toddler.  She even has the snooty inflection in her tone.  I think I am going to be in trouble!

Turkey with the Toppenberg's!

 

Grandma and Papa Toppenberg

The Toppenberg's came to visit us for Thanksgiving!  I thought we would have a bigger group of people for the day since we have a few friends that have husband's on deployment but everyone already seemed to have a place to go for the day.  I had to work ,so Jared and Papa and Grandma all spent the dreary day inside cooking away with the kids.  Jared got a smoker this past year and so we did a smoked turkey.  I think if people knew what great cooks out family has theyr probably would have changed their minds and come anyway!  It was fabulous food, even though it is some of the traditional thanksgiving foods somehow it is better than most, except my mom's,:) of course! 

 

The rain was pretty relentless this visit but we were able to see some sort of dolphines playing and the sealions returned to thier post from the previous blogpost.

 

Dinner!!! We had a lot more luck this trip, less crabs but all were males and large 5 total Dungees! Yumm!

 

In my attempt to create Memorie for Maycen at the Holidays I have found this great website called www.soundsfunmom.com

But knowing all there is to do and see can add to ones stress.  I often feel like we are never going to experience all that WA has to offer especially if we end up transfering due to Jared's job search or to another guard unit or state. I feel like I want to see it all. So for me sometime knowing all there is to do and feeling the want to do all of it while dragging two small kids aorund can sometimes get to be a bit too much! On the other hand seeing everything is not all it is cracked up to be.  The Olympia tree lighting and winter festival was kinda a dud.  The parade was like watching traffic on I-5, except it was moving and the highlight of the kids parade was the GLBT crossdresser that was dressed like a hooker in platform stillettos. We still found some fun though! 

Let me not forget that November is also called MOvember to support testicular and prostate cancer awareness month Jared sported a mustache. Just remember it takes balls to grow one!http://www.mustache.org/

 

 http://us.movember.com/donate/

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing better than a Nana

Nana visit November 2012

 

When you have been away from home so long you learn so much about your parents, that either you never reaslized or have forgotten, when they come to visit. I remember that my Mom wasn't a big fan of the rides at Valley Fair Amusement Park except the Blue Cork Screw, or maybe she just liked it because they sold a house to a guy that had a piece of it in their front yard, anyway I never really knew that my Mom did not like heights.  The woman that tought me how to back dive off the diving board and would take me to pools with high dives apparently is scared of rides with heights.  So what did I do but I planned a day to see the "Great" Ferris Wheel new to seattle!  It was a perfect day and she did great but I have to admit looking out above the water out into the sound high up above seattle is a little creapy even for this sky diving veteran.

 
Maycen of course liked it!

I do have to share a funny story though, I asked the attendant( a young 20 something kid) since it was a slow day if we could have our own car so I could breastfeed the baby during the ride and his resposne was Ma'm there is no food or drink allowed on the ride.  I almost burst out laughing, he obviously just didn't get it, considering I am a walking "Big Gulp" these days I probably should not have been allowed to ride the ride.

The sun made an apparance again and we made our way crabbing and actually got a lot of crabs just all woman and too small!  We ended up with mostly rock crab which are not my personal favorite. But there was a great display from the sealions on this floating barrel.

The Children's Museum opened its doors in Olympia and we had to check it out for it's opening weekend.

Grueling October

Maycen has had a bit of a rough month.  She has been sick with a tummy bug or something for over a week having blood in her stool. She seems fine but her eyes are all sunken in and I think she was getting dehydrated we took her in on Friday night to be seen as she got progressively worse, but in the clinic she only went once and was happy and dancing around and then Saturday I thought we were on the mend and cancelled our appointment in the clinic, and then she was up all night going potty with blood in it again.  Poor thing.  We are all exhausted, well Brody is doing fine, but Jared and I both worked the weekend and were up with Lil Miss all night.  She continued to not be well on Sunday with the Babysitter so I called to get her seen again and we spent several hours at the clinic getting lab work done, Xray, Ultrasound and and IV placed for fluids.  Maycen did great except for holding for the IV, which was pretty bad so I don't blame her for fighting so hard. 
It is really hard to be a nurse and watch people care for your kid that aren't as skilled in something you do everyday.  Overall, I was amazed at the care we got that day, minus the lab/IV skills.  But my goal to have Maycen seen at Mary Bridge, the local Children's hospital where her pediatrician is was overridden when we changed insurance this month and now all this came into place with her being sick.  Timing is impeccable! Anyway it probably helped that I work there for being seen as most people with Guard insurance have to be seen outside of Madigan and pay out of pocket so we were lucky that they did everything there, plus I was working when it happened so it made it easy to just walk downstairs. Anyway the Xray Techs and the Ultrasound Doc were all really good with her and it really made me appreciate the good care that we have at Madigan, Very kid friendly.  I am just glad that we did not have to be admitted. Now if we could just figure out what is going on in Maycen's tummy causing all this concern!  We have referral for GI and Allergy to see her later this month.  Prayers that this is nothing but it would be nice to know what's causing this. 

She seems her normal feisty self here we went to the pumpkin patch today to pick out our pumpkins!

Fall is here 2012

The summer is officially over and school buses are back out in the morning and I am going back to work! Boo! Brody is now four months (as of Oct), 16 pounds already can you believe it! Maycen is settling into her roll as Big Sister and Jared and I are settling into some new roles for us.  I had my other hand surgery done at the beginning of September for my Carpel tunnel release affording me a few more precious weeks at home with the kids.  Jared's Counter Drug job is ending and he is using up all of his leave from his job over the next month so we are both home and he has been helping me out tremendously with all the cares with the kids, all the meals and daily house chores. I at least can still breastfeed Brody and play and entertain Maycen but otherwise I am pretty useless at least the first few weeks till my hand heals up. 

I truly have an appreciation for Bethany Hamilton, she lost her arm by a shark bite in Hawaii when I was living there and made news of her recovery and future surfing success single handed!  Truly amazing considering I couldn't even pull up my pants the first week.  I had to go back into my maternity clothes just so I could be dressed.  I think it would have been really challenging if I was back at work right away and trying to get ready and help with the kids in the first few weeks, so it has been a blessing having Jared home!

The other nice thing is he is seeing just how much goes on while he is away at schools, training and his usual busy flying season.  He said the other night it just never ends, there is always so much to do!  I said yes it is never ending, and was thinking to myself now add in no body here to entertain the kids or feed the baby or add in trying to pump and cleaning supplies and getting daycare and work bags ready and meals for the sitter to give, organized...but I withheld my thoughts as I know he is finally getting it!  The nice thing is he seems to be doing really good with it all!  Maybe not doing the daycare at home thing how I would want, but he is trying and overall doing a great job, maybe even more efficient than me honestly!  :)

October 2012-
Jared is job searching and picking up hours at the National Guard facility while I am back at work still part time, I will pick up more in the next few weeks if he doesn't get put on some kind of orders.  Jared is working on one of his last classes for his degree, one more left!  I am working on admin till my hand improves enough for me to safely care for a patient.  So far this has been OK at work because our census is low but with flu season approaching that may change.  My hand is getting better the cut is finally closing up, as I had a stitch break open leaving the wound to heal more open.  I am hoping to start PT in October but waiting till our new insurance kicks in.

Fall makes me think of school and I am a little sad that because Jared is not working we are not needing to have Daycare.  I am happy that my kids are at home, but Maycen loved her classmates and teachers. Being away all summer was a nice break but she does miss them and I think the interaction with regular friends was nice. She was very confident in herself and really enjoyed the sing songing and play/learning time there.  I try to do some of this on my off days bring out all my old school kids songs but Jared really doesn't get into that much and now that he is home 24/7 it is a little hard for me to be my goofy kindergarten self...in front of him!  I have a horrible voice, Maycen never seemed to mind but he might:)!!!  

I tried to re-in cooperate Friday Night Dance night the other day when we were all home this was something silly I would do with Maycen while Jared was away we would turn up the radio loud and dance and be silly pretend like we were singing along and Maycen would run around, dance and jump on the sofa, (not normally allowed) anyway it felt a bit different and I don't think Jared really knew what we were doing and dragged Maycen off to bath time halfway through, which of course left her in a melt down!

Little Brody- or really I should say Big Brody!  He is a doll and I currently feel like if all babies were like him I would have more!  He is happy and calm so far, he really only gets upset every once in a while like if I yell upstairs to maycen while I am feeding him he has a meltdown or mostly right before its time to go down to sleep and if you waited to long to feed him when he wakes up.  I hate that he's grown so fast, I haven't been able to dress him in all his cute outfits!  However the poor little guy we are so much more relaxed with him or maybe its my husband being at home he usually stays in his outfit for a few days.  He rarely spits up or poops out of his clothes so sadly we keep him in till bathtime every 2 days about.  At night, we pull of any uncomfy cloths and he sleeps in his swaddler blanket.  We haven't used his sleepers much.  This is mostly because he is then ready to go and not in a sleeper if we need to get out and going in the morning...I still can't dress him very well with my hand and all.

Brody is talking and smiling and trying to roll over...hasn't happened yet!  He holds his head up well and is starting to sit in his chair.  He breastfeeds really well every 3-4 hours and takes his bottle while I am away and I am lucky that I have enough mile right now stored but I also am producing enough for the next day too.  I usually put him down between 9 and 11pm and he wakes around 6 to8 am.  So not bad!  Not having to do the Daycare drop off and get everyone ready and out the door is such a blessing especially in these early months where guilt just ate me up with Maycen.  I've only called Jared once a day to see how its going!

I think that is the update for now, we are getting ready for Halloween, our lives are ever up in the air waiting for the next Military career move.  It changes almost weekly now!  But we are here in Washington for a while.  If every summer was like this last one it would be one of our top picks!  We were truly blessed to have the time together this summer with all the nice weather and welcome a new family member all at the same time.  Now, please send prayers that Jared finds work soon and it will be a job that won't keep him away for the next 5 years till retirement!

Just as I posted this update about Brody he rolled over later that day 10/11/12! Must have been all those rollos I ate at work the day before...lol.

Fun all Summer long

 

 

 

Brody 3 month pics and Maycen

 

Getting pictures done with the kids is always a bit of a challenge!  Jared was gone on a trip to Portland otherwise we would have had us all in there and he could have helped man the chaos!  I had bought a groupon and realized it needed to be used by the end of September so we booked for the last date possible and then ended up not even getting the groupon deal anyway because they sucker you into buying the CD of course!  Even though it was kind of a disaster the pics that we did get turned out ok and will be memorable for us forever capturing these cuties at these wonderful ages!

 

 

August has been a crazy month of getting settled back in, minus any kind of a routine.  I am on my last month of Maternity leave and charishing every moment with my lil ones I can.  We have had the month of catch up appointments since we were in MN all of July and now Brody had to get his 2 month shots and I had a lot of post partem appointments and my Ortho appointments coming up for my hand surgery now that I am not pregant anymore! Yipee!

I am working on getting rid of all the Baby weight.   Which was going a lot smoother in MN as my parents basically had a make shift gym in their basement in the city and I swam and kayaked all weekend at the lake during naptime.  So now being home I wish I could say it was going better but we have been taking advantage of the sunny weather and eating lots of Pizza and junk food on the boat!  But it is coming off slowly, sadly so is my hair and all the nice things I like about being pregnant are going away too!